Just Me

A year ago this month, I cut my hair into a pixie.

It wasn’t supposed to be so short.

She wasn’t supposed to cut so much.

But it was cut.

And what followed was a year of, if I’m being honest, a whole lot of awkward.

Here’s how the year went down.

Month One:

·       

        This is nice. 

   Something new. Something young.

    I like how it shapes my face.

   I look more feminine. 

   So many styles! 

   I think I just might keep it short.

Month Two:

 I can’t go outside. 

 
I can’t.

What’s considered an unhealthy amount of time for someone to spend in their room? 

No, I don’t want to go out to eat , just bring the food to me!

Maybe if I put some gel in it…

Month Three 

My google search history looked something like this:

How not to look like a boy with a pixie cut

        Does putting egg in your hair really make it grow faster?

   How to Outgrow a Pixie Cut Without Wanting to Hide in Every Dark Corner

    

      What's considered an unhealthy amount of time for someone to spend in their room?

Month Four

I discovered hoodies. 

And beanies. 

Lots of beanies. 

And probably still spent an unhealthy amount of time in my room. 

Month Five 

 It got really shaggy,

 So when I went in for a trim....

·         Though it looked good...

   I was basically back to square one with growing it out

Months Six  Seven and Eight

awkward mullet stage

   no pics were given those days

Month Nine

Awkward slicked back ponytail stage

and whatever face that is...

After months 10 and 11 it grew out pretty decent and manageable

And well here I am.

Month twelve.

And what have I learned?

Well...

1.  Santa Cruz is probably the best place to live if you’re the “make decisions on a whim” type. A lot of pixies... A LOT
2. Bravery is a wonderful quality to have, but it has to be met with good judgement. (otherwise you end up putting egg in your hair to make it grow faster)
3. Putting egg in your hair will NOT make it grow faster. (It makes you smell like an omelet)
4. A mullet is NOT ok.
5. A mullet that smells like an omelet is worse
6.   Hair grows. Like we do. And if we let it, it grows stronger. Smoother. More resilient. Above all, it grows natural. There's a lesson in there somewhere. I'll let you figure it out
7. We can, and we do,  hide behind our appearance. Behind an image of ourselves that we spend so much time and money in creating. My hair before the cut was actually pretty dry and dead. Fried from too many colors that I tried on. Colors that weren’t my own. Cutting my hair was like ripping off a mask. When I looked in the mirror and didn’t see me, my long flowing hair, I realized I valued more the image I was presenting people. And when that image was cut off, I had nothing to hide behind. It was just me. And all I had to give people was just me. I had to ask myself, is just me enough?
8. Spending unhealthy amounts of time in your room forces you to ask deep questions. 
9. Just me is just enough.

 It took me a while to figure that last one out. If you're wondering if just you is just enough, you ARE! Give yourself patience to figure this out. Give yourself patience to grow.

A mullet is still not ok.